Shake it off, Let it go,
Be strong, Move on.
The tiny voice within my heart speaks out, whispering to parts of my body. My head starts to spin and think, impulse sent to my fingers. They feel the ting-a-ling feeling. They start to type. So here it goes. Enjoy!=)
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Parents and children
Monday, March 2, 2009, 10:38:00 PM
Have you ever thought of...
Waking up in the morning and realize that your parents are no longer around?
That you are an orphan?
Then only will you wake up from that illusion of hating or disliking them. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe you had a big fight with your mom or your dad, and that grudge stays in you like forever.
Just to make things clear, I did not have any fight with my parents today or the past few days but I had a dream. A horrible dream. It haunted me throughout the whole day. It was freaky. This was my dream.
I woke up that morning. I realized I was wearing all black, the house was so messed up. I heard people crying from the hall. Suddenly, few of my friends came into my room and ask me how was I feeling. I did not answer them. I slowly walked down the stairs and I saw 2 coffins. I saw relatives and church friends. Pastor came to approach me and everybody looks weird. I'm feeling a little uneasy. I'm not sure what was happening. I dare not look inside the coffins. Then, pastor told me my parents had gone with the Lord. I passed out. Blank. The next moment when I wake up. My room was dark, in fact, the whole house was filled with darkness. I can hardly see my fingers. I cried out. "Dad! Mom!" Nobody answered me. I ran to my parents' room. The bed was empty. I opened the closet. There were nothing. All gone. I dropped down. Speechless. I did not know what to do. I felt so empty suddenly. Lost. Goner.
So, that was my dream. Not that dramatic, but still, my parents, "PUFF" just like that, they are gone. IF it was real, I think I'll go crazy. Insane. I don't think i can live without them. I mean they are the source of everything. They take care of me since I'm in my mother's womb. They show love and care through out my tough and rough times.
Life isn't a bed of roses. At times, you will unloved. you feel as if life is nothing. Meaningless. You are always in search of something to do, to excite you, to make you feel great. I might not know the feeling of being a kid with divorced parents. But, I do know that no matter what, your parents in one way or another, they still love their children. They show their love differently. Sometimes, you may not realize but that's how they love you.
I also believe that someone from afar, above, has always been there, right outside your heart, waiting for you to open the door to let Him in. I can assure you things will change. Not getting worse but better. You just need a little faith. I'm not being religious here. I'm just saying, this power is real. This something is really something. =)
"Oh taste and see this sweet cuddly presence. You can never have something so special in your life."
Also back to my parents. I'll continue to be the best kid that they will ever have. I'll do my best to please them and obey their commands. I will continue to love them and will not disappoint them. I want to be their no.1 kid. =) I don't want to break their hearts anymore.
Semper Fedelis
JayTee